LGBTQ+ allies
You might think being an LGBTQ+ ally means attending colorful Pride parades and sharing your support on social media. But it is much more than that.
If you are a cis-gender straight person wanting to be an LGBTQ+ ally, remember that your experiences in life differ from someone who doesn’t identify as cis-gender and straight. For example, they might face serious issues like discrimination on a daily basis. This creates an emotional toll on them that you can never fully understand.
When a friend or family member comes out to you as identifying as LGBTQ+, they’ve probably been thinking about it for years and are just now opening up to you. You might feel caught off guard or unsure of how to react. But most likely, they’re hoping you will be patient and accepting and continue to love them as you always have.
Here are some tips and resources to be more than a sideline supporter for Stark County’s LGBTQ+ community.
Stark County Mental Health & Addiction Recovery
StarkMHAR has resources on mental health, bullying, suicide prevention and more that could help allies better support their friends and family who identify as LGBTQ+.
Canton, OH 44702
Free Mom Hugs
Free Mom Hugs works to empower the world to celebrate the LGBTQIA+ community. We embrace people of all faiths, backgrounds, ethnicities, genders, and sexual orientations. Our goal is to change the world simply by showing up.
Our goal is not to replace family relationships, but to display our celebration and love for the LGBTQIA+ community so that family members feel encouraged to do the same. Though we’re known as Free Mom Hugs, we welcome dads, aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, grandparents, and friends to be part of this movement of inclusion fueled by love. Our desire is that this work restores relationships, and that families are reconciled through the hope and power of Sara and Parker’s story.
Listen with an open mind
Whether it’s a family member coming out to you or a friend telling you about a recent struggle, listen to what they’re saying. If you’re being respectful by listening, they’re more likely to be honest and open. And you should be honest and open in return.
Do not out someone
If a friend or family member is coming out to you, you shouldn’t run and tell someone else what you just heard, even if your intentions are good. Outing someone as being lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender can hurt their feelings and make them feel exposed if they’re not ready for others to know. It could also negatively affect their safety, employment, family situation, and more. During the conversation, be sure to ask who you can talk to or if they’re okay with others knowing.
Show your support and be courageous about it
Subtle signs of support like displaying an equality sticker on your laptop or sharing tweets about LGBTQ+ issues and events can show others that it’s safe to open up to you. As a cis-gender straight person, you might be afraid to show public support because you think others will assume you don’t identify as cis-gender and straight or you will be confronted by those who don’t believe in equality. Remember that those who identify as LGBTQ+ have similar fears that they live with on a daily basis. It will probably take much less courage and energy for you to openly support your friends and family who are LGBTQ+.
Ask for patience and be reassuring
When someone comes out to you, they’ve likely been thinking about and living with their LGBTQ+ experience for a long time. Once you find out, that could be the beginning of your knowledge of their experience. Because of this, you might feel confused or afraid, but ask them to be patient. Also reassure them that what they’ve told you doesn’t change how you feel about them. There’s a good chance you might say or do the wrong thing. Ask that they point it out, and either have a conversation about why it wasn’t right or take the time to learn more on your own.
Fight for equality through public policy and your day-to-day actions
A lot of the attention for equality goes to national policies that affect how LBGTQ+ people can live and work. These are important pieces of legislation that can affect them and the people around them. Stay on top of what’s happening, and support policies that push further toward equality.
On the other hand, there are smaller instances of inequality that happen every day around you. If you notice something like harassment from strangers, family rejection, discrimination at work, or someone feeling ashamed of their LGBTQ+ identity, find out how you can offer support. Sometimes something as simple as a listening ear or a helping hand will make the biggest impact.
Use preferred pronouns
Pronouns are what you use when talking about other people, such as “she,” “them,” or “his.” Many people in the LGBTQ+ community have preferred gender pronouns. You can’t always assume you know someone’s preferred pronouns based on their appearance, so you should ask what they prefer.
Once you know someone’s preferred gender pronouns, use them. If you don’t, it can be disrespectful, alienating, embarrassing or a whole host of other negative feelings that can create tension and issues in communication.
Asking someone, “What are your preferred pronouns?” might feel awkward, because you’ve had the privilege of others correctly assuming your pronouns your whole life. Yet those few seconds of awkwardness are better than assuming the wrong pronouns for someone else. If you later make a mistake, simply apologize.
A word to the maybe not-so-wise: Never use “it” or “he-she” when referring to someone in the LGBTQ+ community. These slurs are offensive to those who are trans and gender non-conforming.
Get out of your comfort zone
You might feel that you’re not biased against the LGBTQ+ community. But once you start learning more about the LGBTQ+ community, you could find you have preconceived ideas that you weren’t aware were prejudices against them. This realization can be uncomfortable, but you have to work against it in order to become a better ally.
Do not assume that someone in the LGBTQ+ community will teach you everything you need to know. It’s not their responsibility. Seek out resources online and in your community to educate yourself on what it means to be an LGBTQ+ ally. If you’re reading this, this page and the resources listed are a great starting place.
Remember: Being an ally is a verb. You must do the work to be a true ally.
- Hang a PRIDE or Trans flag
- Stick a rainbow sticker on a personal item or your car
- Include your pronouns on your business card
- Include something in your office or on social media that talks about pronouns
Considerations When Working with LGBTQ Students of Color
Learn the dos and don’ts for working with students of color in the LGBTQ+ community.
Equality Maps
Find safe communities and learn about State policies throughout the U.S.
Guide to Becoming a Straight Ally
Demystify the secret to becoming an ally for the LGBTQ+ community.
Guide to Becoming a Trans Ally
Learn about the world of people who are transgender and become a trusted ally.
Kaleidoscope Youth Center
Support for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning (LGBTQ+) youth and their allies.
Safe Zone
Comprehensive cultural competency training and technical assistance to service providers, community organizations, and law enforcement agencies across Ohio.
OutSupport
Online community offering resources and support for LGBTQ+ youth and their families.
PFLAG
Advancing equality in Akron, Ohio through its mission of support, education and advocacy.
PRISM of Wayne County
Support group in Wayne County for LGBTQ+ allies.
TransAlive
Encouragement for members of the Northeast Ohio transgender community.
TransCEND Canton
Peer support group for transgender people and allies.
TransFamily
A transgender support group that holds regular support group meetings in Cleveland and Akron that are open to everyone.